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I used you for my own personal pleasure. I lifted my hand to her face and tenderly stroked my finger over her cheek. "I've loved you since I first saw you, Jenni." How could you possibly know you love me?" she asked. "How do you know it isn't just lust because of what I was doing to you?" . "I thought about that a lot, Jenni," I said, "and I went through a period that I questioned my acceptance of your lovemaking. I couldn't understand why I wasn't appalled at what you were doing, but I wasn't. Not once. Then I decided that what I was feeling was lust. No one, man or woman had ever given me such pleasure or such satisfaction, but when I couldn't get you out of my mind and my heart, I knew I loved you. No matter what I did. I thought about you day and night, and I saw you lying next to me almost every morning. When you left, my heart ached so much I knew for sure it was more than lust. I can give myself a deeper satisfaction with my toys now because I see you when I do it, but it hurt. I know Ken and Carlos were probably disappointed.We continued exchanging emails for a few months. I let my guard down a little while Carlos was on a long sea duty. Our conversations began to be more sexual in nature. It was so easy to share things with him I guess because I felt safe knowing he was far away. One night while writing a message to Carlos, Ken came in and read the message then without my knowledge attached a picture of me wearing a bikini he had taken in Cancun. Carlos was very appreciative of the photograph. Truthfully I wasn't aggravated with Ken for sending it. During the months we discussed Carlos long periods without sex. He admitted masturbating while thinking about me and looking my picture. It was very arousing that he felt that way about me, but I disregarded it whenever I wrote back.His tour of sea came to an end. I didn't hear from him for about a week, and then a message came. The Navy was sending him to specialized training in Wichita and he had saved up his.
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